More Real Life Stories from John's Big Head

by John D'Agostino, Eccentric Outsider Artist, a.k.a The John Dog

 

An old man from Holland was at the bar last night. An even older man than me. He was dressed all in white. He was almost bald. He was sitting with a Dutch friend of mine, Andrea.  Joaquin, her husband was there too. I never met him before because the last time she came to Turkey it was to get away from him. She had caught him cheating on her with her best friend. But that's another story.

 

I was sitting with an English woman, Cindy, who also lives in Holland, at the table next to theirs chatting about relationships, our ex's, and the joys of casual sex with partners half our age.

 

The old man is a friend of Andrea and Joaquin. Andi and I have shared laughs, and beers together and even a few tears.   Their 6 year old daughter is a gem a real jewel. I'm sure she plays a big part in keeping those two together. I didn't catch the old man's name.  I asked is this your father and Andi replied, no just a friend. I will remember to ask his name the next time I see him.

 

He doesn't speak English, so we didn't talk much.  It's about 2 am and I've had my share of beers.  Andi apparently told him about my arthritis.  On my right hand I wear ring-splints on each finger to compensate for the joint deterioration. The man came up to me and said "You have a problem with your hands, arthritis?" He reached over and cupped my right hand, which is the worse, in his hands. I wondered, I thought, Is he a healer? Will my hand be able to move again like it did before my affliction?  He held my hand and said nothing. There was a long silence. 

 

He took my other hand and did the same. He just held it and I tried to feel something more than just the warmth of his hands. Was there more there than just compassion in his gentle grip?  Was there an unseen power there? Was his compassion enough to cure the pain in my fingers? I looked at his haggard weather beaten face. I looked in his soulful eyes. Then it struck me that he vaguely resembled the Buk-man. I'm not sure if he possessed any magic. But the gesture was kind and I appreciated it for that and that alone.

 

I wanted to get down and dirty in my blog today, but shit happens, sometimes good shit. Got a reply from an e-mail I sent to a Buk fan. In my original e-mail I posted this quote about love:

 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

 

She replied, "How did you know that I really needed to hear that today?" That made me tingle all over. It made me think of the old man.  It made me think, shit, Love Works.

(shameless plug for my site here – www.love-works-art.com)

 

I read the headlines looking for a little gritty inspiration. Got to be some juicy stuff there.

 

11:19am, Tue Aug 16

• Police take over Gaza's largest settlement

• Iraqis fail to agree on constitution

• Coroner: 6 alive when Greek plane crashed

• 36 reported injured in Japan earthquake

• Media coverage distorts view of legal system

• Popularity of bratwurst grows in the U.S.

• College offers class in how to catch fish

• MLB · Golf · NFL · NHL · NBA · Soccer

 

Same old crap. But the bratwurst story did catch my eye.  I could get some mileage out of that one, juicy bratwurst, who is buying all these bratwursts and what sort of unnatural acts are they using them for. I'll save that for another time.

 

What you are witnessing in this blog is a reflection of how the John Dog works, the John Dog in action. (By the way I have a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other, guess what I am typing with). Get your mind out of the gutter you filthy pigs, remember I'm a dog I got 4 paws. One of the Dog's favorite credos (and I have many of them) is that "There is nothing new under the sun". You've read about my AADD, artistic attention deficit disorder, that's if you have been being good little boys and girls and reading ALL my blogs. (But, if you haven't then maybe you need some spanking on your pimply round bottoms, would you like that, bet you would). I often add found objects to my paintings and I apply the same aesthetic to my writing.

 

To fully understand what is going on here you need to learn about cow stomachs and cow stomach/brain transplants (details at http://www.johnsbighead.com/jbh-3faq.htm).  I'll give you the abbreviated version. I do not have a normal brain.  About 5 years ago I had an operation which replaced my brain with cow stomachs.  This is all because of the internet.  There is just too much information to digest. You know cow stomachs have a number of chambers (4). Cows chew, they shallow (unlike that 'ho' Silvia who works on the corner), stuff starts to get digested, but then it comes back up as cud.  I am a major fan of "chewing the cud". Opps, here comes some now from a hot little blogger babe in Florida.

 

Why I love D.

He just got home and runs and jumps onto the bed on his stomach. I'm directly behind him and sort of belly-flop onto his back with a running start. I start humping him... no. More like raping his butt crack with my crotch. He starts squirming and rolls me off making this little "ew" grunting noise. He says, "I can feel your pelvis rubbing into my ass crack and I hate it!! I hate it so much!!"

Then.

He wrestles me over and starts humping my butt then stops, yanks my shorts down and does his butt-bite routine... and then time stopped.

He shoved his chewing gum into my butt crack.

That was disgusting.

-tm

 

Wish I could remember the Blog Title, so I can give them the credit they deserve. I got to chew on that one some more. It might make an interesting painting.

 

They sound like such a romantic young couple, don't they.  A friend of theirs wrote this great comment.

 

A Pack of chewing gum - $0.25

Clean sheets - $15.00

Your boyfriend sticking his chewing gum in your butt crack - Priceless

For everything else... there are vibrators and dildos.

 

Well, there you have it, my blog for August 16^th 2005. Not a very long one I know, but my hand is starting to ache. I'm out of beer.  Time to head for the bar.  Later, maybe I'll moosey over to the all night Turkish chow house down the road and order me a bowl of nice garlicy tripe soup. Iskembe they call it here in Turkey, if you're ever in the neighborhood and want to try some.